Episode 26: Noël House Party


Dan and James are back together to lift your spirits with a bigger-er, bumper-er Christmas Special. Life lessons are learned and wisdom is imparted in this episode, but really you just want to know who wins the Sack Game this year. What better way to soothe all the anxiety created by the hyper-consumerism of Christmas, than to numb yourself with James telling a story about getting his foot wet, and Dan shouting names of cheeses? Thanks to "Petit Suisse" for contributions to this episode, and to Archive.org and the Free Music Archive, for helping it to be sprinkled with novelty audio decoration. There's a loose end about how flamingoes get their colour, but you can find that somewhere else on the Internet — something to do with eating Prawns?

Free Music Archive:

Sleigh Ride Party, Jingle Bells [1898] by Edison Male Quartette
Jingle Bells by Podington Bear
Jazzy Bells by Dee Yan-Key
Santa on Tour by Dee Yan-Key

Archive [dot] org:

Joy to the World
Silent Night (Dark Piano Version)

Episode 25: "You're Dead to Me"


Instead of just going on about nonsense I've been saying in French (although of that there is ample), I (James this week) revisit the story of "James 4" (obviously not his real name). I can only bring you one side of the story, but I'm more curious than conclusive, and so hopefully this will be of interest if you have ever experienced someone's anger aimed in your direction.

Episode 24: The Wall Comes Down


When the therapist has more issues than the patient, it's a reminder that we are all just people and not defined by our profession (or totally not-a-profession for legal reasons in the Private Practice). This week Dan talks openly about why he has been sombre in recent pod-cards, and has a couple of things to say about last week's FAQs... It's not a competition, but Dan wins this round (and takes a fifth of your time to do so).

Episode 23: FAQs


Bienvenue à Montpellier, where this episode was recorded in the postmodern utopia of Antigone, and the idyllic Jardin des Plantes. All of Dan's questions from last week, many of which were "frequently asked" in one go, are comprehensively answered.

Episode 21: Coming off the Rails


Hopping around Italy, Switzerland and France (Switalance?), James eventually comes off the rails… and says au revoir to a month of travelling. In this episode some joy with the success of purposeful solitude, and some sadness revisiting locations with memories of relatives who have kicked the bucket. We start in the Bay of Silence, where James managed to pick a morning when it was too noisy to record. James will now refer to himself in the third person one last time.

Episode 19: Prague to Budapest


No one likes it when someone changes their role. Dan is the thoughtful, slower, introspective font of wisdom, and James is the joker who shouts and makes everything into a big old game; a bit of fun, when in small doses. So this week you will be traumatised to hear 24 minutes of James being thoughtful and introspective, with only two jokes. That's a joke frequency of one every 12 mins, the same frequency as the C11 bus in North London on a Sunday. And let me tell you, if I just missed one when I lived on the route I would walk every time. However, if you see fit to listen all the way to the end, you can at least feel satisfied that this podcast is veering slightly back into the realms of mental health, as opposed to picking up where Jill Dando left off with 'Holiday'.

Episode 18: Dan's Reply


It's the moment you've been waiting for; finally this podcast has trimmed the fat, and produced an episode that's all Dan and no James! Although James doesn't have any fat to trim; maybe we've trimmed the limbs. So Dan says James' pod-card was too short, and then he goes and makes a shorter one. Try not to think of this as a good thing, otherwise it will come as a shock later in the autumn when these become half hour monologues...

Episode 16: Normandy


Series Three begins in Dan's peaceful countryside holiday retreat, when it turns out he hasn't been very good at hiding its specific location from James. This series is unlike your usual episodes, since James has decided to leave the country half way through recording the autumn series. So we present instead a series of "pod-cards"; digital postcards sent between France and London, and regular episodes will resume later.

Episode 15: Happy Hour

Episode 15: Happy Hour

This week we’re out of the Private Practice and in a public place to talk about genuine therapy for a change. Dan arrives from his own session, shaken, and initially in no state to stir James. It’s the final episode of Series 2, and for once James takes the subject of therapy seriously, while Dan brings up bodily fluids. 

Episode 13: Here and Now – Part 2


This week we create some essential conflict and count each other’s eyes, because life has no obvious inherent meaning, and it feels great. This podcast is absolutely not going to seal the legacy of either Dan or James, they have failed. And they encourage you to fail too, because you might notice some new flavours in your water. 

Episode 13: Here and Now – Part 1


Forget everything. Imagine nothing. Join us for a thigh-slapping, eye counting, fudge packing hour of uninhibited ecstasy. And what’s even better, this is the week Dan finally manages to get James to shut up. This will be the greatest hour of your life today, because nothing else matters. 

Episode 12: Susan


This week my aunt’s breasts are on fire. Having learnt a few lessons from last week, James just about manages to tell the story of a life without making half of it about himself. This episode is particularly upbeat on the whole, but does contain some details of a suicide which may be upsetting. 

Music credits:
Handel recordings from Archive.org

Episode 11: Grandma

Episode 11: Grandma

In an ode to a remarkable woman who lived for a century, James spends half of it talking about himself. This is how not to live your life, fabulously, and is a template you can adopt whenever you find yourself in a hotel room with a screwdriver.

Music credits:
Edith Piaf and Julie Andrews from Archive.org

Episode 10: Lovers

Episode 10: Lovers

Fans of toilet humour will be disappointed this week as we venture close to a genuine therapy session. Setting out to demonstrate that having feelings is not a shameful thing to internalise, James digs to find one and discovers plenty of unexpected flavours when the pot gets stirred. It is, however, a distraction from bodily fluids, which only have a very minor role to play, courtesy of a tortoise trotting around the Private Practice. 

Episode 9: Jealousy

Episode 9: Jealousy

James is back in the Private Practice for his first proper session of the year. Are you feeling jealous towards his receipt of Dan’s wise response to his thoughts and feelings? Well in this episode we discuss times when the jealous party has got the wrong end of the unicorn’s glittery erection. 

Episode 8: Onwards & Backwards

Ep8 Onwards & Backwards

We’re back in the Private Practice with new episodes, new ways to listen, and new ideas of Irvin Yalom to regurgitate and pack into fudge boxes. As you’ll hear, we’ve bent time all over the place for this episode and Dan is not entirely happy about the situation. For those of you who like their synopsis a little more straight forward, this episode is a discussion of what’s to come in series 2 in the Private Practice.

Music credits:
The Fat Green Kid, Soviet Jazz – from Archive.org

Episode 7: Executing Christmas


Loneliness, death, a medium-sized sack, our Christmas Special has it all. Packing in jokes, games, and a whole fistful of festive fudge, this is therapy at its most something-or-other. This Christmas Dan(xious) and James offer you the gift of meaning in your otherwise pointless life.  

Thanks to Manzi, Jess, Dan’s mum and Mathieu for essential contributions to this episode.